There is nothing like a newborn baby.  The smell, the sounds, they are almost intoxicating.  When I had my daughter, I couldn’t wait for it.  I was looking forward to those tiny fingers and toes, the grunts, the gurgles and everything that came with bringing a new baby home for the first time.  I was even looking forward to the sleepless nights, the rocking, the feeding, and yes, even the spit up.  (What was I thinking?)

Fast forward to 9 months pregnant with my second child and I’m not looking forward to those same things.  In fact, I’m not sure I want things to change.  I like how they are.  I love the little family we’ve become; my husband, our daughter and I. So I can’t help but think how things could possibly be any better with two.

My daughter was born 17 months ago.  Since then, she has been the center of everything for my husband and I.  When she was new, we both doted on her, sharing feedings, diaper changes, everything. As she grew and her personality began to appear, we reveled in who she was, and how she experienced the world.

I knew once baby number 2 came along, things would never be the same.  I spent nights crying, not because I was afraid, or because I didn’t want the child growing inside me, but I felt loss that my daughter would never again have my full attention all of the time.  She would never again have Mommy all to herself (and Daddy too). It just made me sad.  Maybe it was the hormones, but I couldn’t help it.

Saying goodbye to my only child - Chocolate & ChaosOur son was born on June 29th and since then, my views have completely changed.  He’s made me realize how much our daughter has grown.  How much she has learned and flourished and what a kind-hearted, sweet person she has become. But most of all, he’s made me realize that he isn’t taking our daughters only child status away from her, he’s adding a big sister status instead.  He’s not just an addition to our family, he was meant to be part of it, part of us.

Being only 17 months apart from his sister, they will grow up together, learn together and (hopefully) be inseparable. She will help teach him how to play, to talk, to make Mommy pull her hair out.

But it will be worth it.  It will all be worth it.  And saying goodbye to my daughter as an only child will be a distant memory as I watch them grow and play together.  I’m so excited to be a mom of two, even if they are only 17 months apart.  Let the sleepless nights and midnight snuggles remind me how lucky I am to care for not one, but two beautiful children.