Before I got pregnant I wasn’t an emotional person. The hormones, body changes and overall challenges of being pregnant definitely changed all of that.  I thought that once I had my baby things would go back to normal.  But here we are months later and I’m still just as emotional as I was during my pregnancy.

I’ve cried a lot since having my baby.

Maybe more than I should have.

I cried because:

1. My baby was crying.

My baby wasn’t colicky, but every now and then she would get in these fits and just wouldn’t stop crying.  No matter what we did.  It made my heart break and it got to the point sometimes that I couldn’t take it anymore.  I would hand her off to her daddy and walk away for a bit.  I had to.

2. I was completely and utterly exhausted.

It happens, and quickly.  After weeks or even days of little or no sleep you just lose it.  Something clicks and you just break down.

3. I felt like I had no idea what I was doing.

There is no baby manual (if you haven’t figured that out yet). And the internet can be a very scary place if you aren’t careful.  Rely on friends and family, they will help you get through it and in time you’ll understand your baby.

4. I had a few moments alone in peace and quiet.

I remember it clearly.  I had just gotten her to sleep and I sat down on her bedroom floor.  All I did was cry.  I almost fell asleep on her bedroom floor.

5. I didn’t know what my baby needed.

When all else fails, it’s the middle of the night and your baby is congested or has a rash, or it’s the night after her first shots.  You’ll be lost.  You’ll feel helpless but know you’re doing everything you can.  You’ll make it through.

6. My old life was gone.

I knew life would be different after my baby was born.  I don’t think I realized how different it would be.  You don’t just “run to the store” you “plan for the store” and figure on starting to get ready at least an hour before you want to go.

No more just hanging out with friends or anything else, you need a baby sitter now.  It’s just not the same.  There isn’t any time anymore.  I love everything about my life now I just wish there was more time to enjoy it all.

7. My old body was gone. 

Yep, definitely gone.  It never occurred to me that this would happen, I’m not sure why.  But it has.  Even aver my baby is 6 months old, I’m still not back to where I was but getting closer.  It made me sad at first, when my tummy would shake like Jello if I laughed or my old jeans didn’t fit.  It got so frustrating!

While it truly is hard to admit some of these, I don’t think I’m alone.  And I don’t think it’s selfish of me either.

Having a new baby is a huge, life altering change and it takes time to adjust.  Sure, you know it’s coming for the 10 months your pregnant, but nothing, and I mean nothing, can ever really prepare you for what it’s like.

(So if you’re reading those baby books, toss them away now.)